the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
