I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I am naked and annoyed.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
