bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
