kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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