I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We're too hungover to prance.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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