You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
