You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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