that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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