I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Success! We fucked roommates!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize