i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
