I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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