um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
