my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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