im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
