He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
