Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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