That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
