Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My feet surprised me
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