The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
