i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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