this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
