I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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