I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
