I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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