wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and she was petting her beer can
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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