allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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