His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
