I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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