I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
