Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
