I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
