Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
