I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
