I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
