I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
