dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
