woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
