I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
