i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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