is your mom at the bar?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
