Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
