That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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