How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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