Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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