census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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