those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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