I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
