Christians are straight up FREAKS
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
