Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
