First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
