I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
