So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
