getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
