I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
