apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
