med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
