I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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