You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
