Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
