um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
