I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
