is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
