She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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