I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
