Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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