I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
