I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Randomize