Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
